she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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