my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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