3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
