I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
