we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
