I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this will be a night to untag.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
