your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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