There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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