She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
