i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize