i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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