i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
