and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
