Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
