Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
