U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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