hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
it's like heaven, but drunker
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
