went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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