meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
3pm strippers are depressing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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