Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
