I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
