Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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