I feel like abortions should bother me more
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
