i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize