Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
