I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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