Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
