You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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