if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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