Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
