Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize