There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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