Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
