I just saw a hot homeless man
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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