I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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