remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
