U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
