I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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