Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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