He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
