glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
