Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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