I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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