I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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