Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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