it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just had sex bonerless
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
