u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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