she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
