Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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