Pants 0. Shit 1.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
