If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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