i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
