He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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