There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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