Can i not drive my cunt home
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
