It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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