She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
