Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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