I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
