New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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