My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you inspire me to be a worse person
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
