he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
