her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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