Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
