he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
