i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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