I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
