Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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