True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
