guys are only as good as the porn they watch
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
