he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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