I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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