At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
