you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
