maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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