i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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