Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
